When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I understand Curling. That high.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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