Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
