I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
