ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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