Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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