On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
