yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
