Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
