We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
