I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my sisters under your porch take her home
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
