his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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