Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
