things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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