Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think your dad took our porno
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
