I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
