I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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