Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize