you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
