mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
