I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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