you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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