Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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