bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
