I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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