mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize