I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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