so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
