you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Randomize
