Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
