Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
