i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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