so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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