I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So many bounce houses so little time
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
