saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
