My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
