I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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