dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
