They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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