Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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