Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
