Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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