He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
there is puke in my bra ... again
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