I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
