you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
