I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
