if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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