Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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