everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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