i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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