i don't like sucking hair
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
