so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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