I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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