Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
