is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Green mimosas i think yes
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
