Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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