omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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