I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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