Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize