who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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