I look better un-naked...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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