Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
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