I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
