woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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