You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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