You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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