video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
