I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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