Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am one with the molecules
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
