the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize