And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
