Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
