I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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