I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
